When I decided to re-launch my blog, I knew I wanted to keep things pretty light and upbeat… and also that I didn’t want to write excessively on my blog about blogging ha!. Recently, I received a comment saying that a person wished an aspect of their life had been like mine when ironically there were many things I should not share. I had decided the theme in my blog would be about keeping the good things good to help myself look back happily on the things I’ve experienced, but also to use writing as a way to help me manage an anxiety disorder.
I hope when you read my blog that you realize I am a person outside of pictures and text. I know it can be so easy to be swept up into the one-dimensional lives that are portrayed on the internet and wonder what you should be doing differently to be able to achieve that in your life.
This doesn’t mean I won’t ever talk about hard things on my blog, but I have learned that there is a trick about telling them. Make sure when you are telling a story, make sure it is actually your own story to tell. When you have decided it is, take care to tell your own story.
The completely joyous and entirely overwhelming part of life is how interconnected it is with other people. There are so many experiences I would tell you in person if we sat down to eat lunch, but blogging is not the appropriate medium. Sometimes I do wonder when people are candidly typing if they realize how much the things they are saying may impact people.
I will always remember my first public blog in high school when I wrote about an experience I had a boy that I had a really uncomfortable experience with. I wanted to write about my experiences and I thought I was real coy by putting a nickname for him instead of his real name, but then he messaged me on MSN messenger saying he had found my blog and how hurtful it was that I wrote about him.
He was exactly right! I immediately took the posts down and almost 10 years later I still thank my lucky stars that he emailed me and called me out on my immaturity (regardless of how weird the situation was, it was wrong). So often we have experiences that are hard, but they can’t be separated from the people around us to be able to share them.
We live in a world that has websites dedicated to making fun of people for how they look, what kind of haircut they have, or how they live their lives. It is so commonplace to consume these items in humor without realizing they were often created without the person’s permission. I feel we collectively should take care of the pictures and words we create, view, and distribute to make sure that we aren’t contributing to the hurt.
I’m of the opinion that there is enough negativity in the world and social media without adding to it.
I’ve had chronic pain for years, but I’ve had years without it.
I’ve had sessions that have made therapists cry, but I’ve had ones that make them smile.
I’ve had heart ache from friends, family, and loved ones, but I’ve also had a lot of joy.
I’ve had to choose estrangement, but I’ve also chosen engagement.
I’ve had panic attacks, but I’ve also felt euphoria from pushing on.
I’ve felt unloved, but I am loved.
I’ve felt ugly, but I’m not.
I’ve had a lot of experiences I didn’t mention and I will continue to have them, both good and bad. I do believe in contrast and I do believe in the power of empathy.
I don’t think everything in this world is happy and in fact, I know it isn’t. Like I’ve said in previous posts, I actually consider myself more of a realist than an optimist and this is one of those things I’m working on. My brand of optimism doesn’t believe in brushing things under the rug, but it does look for hope in the future.
I’ve felt a lot of things in this world, but the best one I’ve experienced is happiness. Contagious happiness. Happiness that comes from peaceful resolution. Happiness that comes from working hard for something. Happiness that comes from knowing that things have worked out better than I had thought.
I hope when you read my blog that you can read my posts from a point of gratitude for the things that are working in my life, knowing that there are plenty of things that certainly aren’t, and I hope you know that I’m hoping the same for you.