I read back on old entries from my blog sometimes to remind me of sweet newlywed and dating memories. I always find myself surprised at how much I have accomplished over the past few years because I tend to undermine my success, but then I feel like I am treading into this private sacred space when I realize my life is not the same as I maybe excepted and sometimes my dreams change and adapt to that; this journey isn’t a bad one, but it often takes a lot of reflection. Sometimes I realize my original dream was never a good fit and it naturally changes, but at other times, adulthood and reality changes it for me.
At one point in my life, I loved the idea of having most things that I wanted, but now I’d rather be comfortable always living on one income even when I do work because of the freedom it gives us; these are the things that have enabled me to go to graduate school relatively debt free.
Until recently we had spoken extensively for years about doing an expat assignment, but after praying, fasting, and talking way too much about it we decided we’d maybe we’d much rather travel instead of living abroad.
I always imagined myself living closer to family, but here we are in Georgia and our parents alone are spread out over three other states.
I used to always think about pursuing a PhD in the back of my head before even applying to grad school, but I decided that I really am happiest teaching ESL students.
For all the “I thought this would have happened by now”s and the “this isn’t how I pictured it”s, I’ve had equal parts happiness and good surprises. I keep finding the lists keep going, our outlines for life keeps changing, my expectations are roller coasters, and I’m usually very glad with my life even though my plot line is more chaotic than I would wish.
The older we become, the less specific everything is becoming, but the conversations we’ve been having in our home here lately have been gold in trying to figure out what our priorities.
I want roots in my life, but I also have a terrible wanderlust and need for adventure.
I want a comfortable life, but I always want to be constantly learning.
I want to accomplish my goals, but I never want to be dissatisfied with simplicity.
I feel there is a constant tug at my heart and brain to be the person I need to be and to become the person I truly am. It is both overwhelming, but the drive I need to continually meet these needs in my life. I feel grateful for the experiences I’ve had and for the ones that are keeping me continually developing.
I believe in hard work, but I believe in blessings.
I believe in adaptability, but I believe in tradition.
I believe in so many things life has to offer and even though dreams change, I still believe in them.